song for theme #36B: Conspiracism

“Ballad of a Fat Conspiracy” by Stephen P. Cook

to be sung to the tune of “Ballad of A Thin Man” by Bob Dylan

With corporate executives

I’ve shared many a drink

Minds tuned to profits

I know how they think

They’ve hatched evil plots

Their laundry really stinks

Their agenda hidden

Beyond scrutiny

But what has occurred

Based on what I’ve heard

Sounds like…conspiracy

They packed food with calories

And saturated fats

Sweetened with corn syrup

Tested on rats

With hydrogenated oils¹

Additives and all that

Marketed heavily

And sold on TV

But what has occurred

Based on what I’ve heard

Sounds like…conspiracy

I really have no doubt

To make us big and stout

A campaign they did mount

With collusion² beyond our detection

Riding lawnmowers we expect

Exercise we neglect

Do you begin to suspect

Subliminal advertising manipulation³

You’ve seen the lard asses

And not liked their looks

Nor couch potatoes at restaurants

With deep fat fryer cooks

But have you ever linked them

To food industry corporate crooks?

Maybe you have

If you’re paranoid⁴ like me

So how our nation got fat

I’ve traced it to that

Corporate conspiracy

SONG—NOTES / COMMENTS

1—The merely hydrogenated oils apparently aren’t as bad as the partially hydrogenated ones! Parts of this song should be taken

      with a grain of salt. If you haven’t caught on, it’s supposed to be funny!

2— Collusion refers to a secret agreement between businesses or firms that sets price and output in a way that decreases

      competition and increases profits.    

3—Supposedly subliminal stimuli—beneath the threshold humans can consciously detect—can nonetheless affect the unconscious

      brain and influence behavior.  In a study documenting this, “Hungry? Eat Popcorn!” was flashed for 1/3000 sec over motion

      pictures shown in a theater. During a six week test, popcorn sales rose 58%! (Ads using such messages are banned in Britain.)

4—Paranoia, in mild form, is characterized by excessive or irrational suspiciousness and distrust of others; in severe psychological

     disorder form it also involves delusions: of persecution, grandeur, jealousy, etc.

Comment: this theme can facilitate shifting blame away from yourself and provide emotional armor. Of the five personality types (part Ia), neurotics are more likely to embrace conspiracy theories. In their book American Conspiracy Theories, Uscinski and Parent cite lab experiments and write, “Inducing anxiety or loss of control triggers respondents to see nonexistent patterns and evoke conspiratorial explanations.”