song for theme #35A: Self Reliant Nonconformity

“Self Reliance Matters” by Stephen P. Cook

to be sung to the tune “Nothing Else Matters” by Cox, Battey S., Battey C., Palacios, Clark / Metallica

A good team right from the start¹

Trusting in you with all my heart

Together ‘til death do us part

Our love is what mattered

Life was ours, lived our own way

Codependent, sharing each day

Then she asked what others would say

Soon something else mattered

No, we can’t do our own thing!

Why? My objection would sting

Conformity explains nothing²

Soon our love shattered

I want to be a teamplayer

Not a difficult naysayer

I gotta be me³

I won’t lose me to find you⁴

What’s inside me must come through

Believing in me, that rings true

Loving yourself matters

I want to be a teamplayer

Not a difficult naysayer

I gotta be me

The insecure⁵ march in lock-step

Trusting myself, doing my prep

The drummer I hear he’s got pep

Self reliance matters

Bring it on world, I can cope

But to custom I may say “Nope!”

New ideas they give us hope

Self reliance matters

I want to be a teamplayer

Not a difficult naysayer

I won’t blindly conform

I won’t blindly heap scorn

I gotta be me—yea—ah!

I may leave this world all alone

To asking for help, I’m not prone

When my time’s up, I won’t moan

Self reliance matters

SONG—NOTES / COMMENTS     (this song is part of the author’s personal story)

1— This is a semi-autobiographical song written in the fall of 2013.

2—In his famous 1841 essay Self Reliance, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain

      your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing.”

3—“I’ve Gotta Be Me” is the title of a 1968 song made famous by Sammy Davis, Jr.

4—This line reinforces the sentiment expressed in the Sammy Davis, Jr. song. It refutes the opinion expressed in the 1971 song

     “Bargain” recorded by The Who: “I’d gladly lose me to find you.”

5— Insecurity refers to a person’s lacking confidence and assuredness, feeling uncertain and unsure–perhaps even unprotected and

      unsafe.  Feelings of anxiety è insecurity.  Security is something that is associated much more with a course of action, path or

      road perceived to be “safe”—the well-traveled road of conformity alluded to in Robert Frost’s poem The Road Not Taken.

Comment: feeling self reliant can provide emotional armor in overcoming fear. Practically speaking, what’s behind that feeling may be most important in taking a generally adaptive or constructive coping approach to stress. If you’ve generally gone through life relying on yourself rather than others to find solutions, you’ve undoubtedly accumulated lots of problem-solving know how. Depending on the nature of the stress, you may turn to this. If it presents a different challenge, turning to others for help / emotional support may be needed.