song for theme #29B: The Threatening, Violent Person

“You Use Fear and I Pay” by Stephen P. Cook

to be sung to the tune of “You Give Love a Bad Name” by Bon Jovi, Child, and Sambora / Bon Jovi

Of wife beating you disapprove¹

Why don’t I think you’re telling the truth?

The fact is you dominate me

Cajoling and controlling, I’m not free

Oh! You mean son of a gun  [Yeah!]

Oh! Being bullied’s no fun

I can’t love you with what I’ve been through

Verbal abuse most every day

You use fear and I pay

[I pay]

You intimidate, I have no say

You use fear and I pay

[I pay]

Hey, you use fear and I pay

In the bedroom I can’t say no

Can’t run from you, got nowhere to go

The way you grab me when you’re mad

Leaves me bruised and sore, hurtin’ real bad

Oh! You mean son of a gun  [Yeah!]

Oh! Being bullied’s no fun

I can’t love you with what I’ve been through

Threatening me most every day

You use fear and I pay

[I pay]

You intimidate, I have no say

You use fear and I pay

[I pay]

Hey, you use fear and I pay

I’m a bad mother, you proclaim

You say I’m taking drugs, that’s to blame

Telling lies, you’re not bothered one bit

You threaten divorce, taking the kids

Oh! You mean son of a gun  [Yeah!]

Oh! Being bullied’s no fun

I can’t love you with what I’ve been through

Verbal abuse most every day

You use fear and I pay

[I pay]

You intimidate, I have no say

You use fear and I pay

[I pay]

Hey, you use fear and I pay

Threatening me most every day

You use fear and I pay

[I pay]

You intimidate, I have no say

You use fear and I pay

[I pay]

You use fear, You use fear      [I pay]

SONG—NOTES / COMMENTS

1—While this song tells a story from a battered wife’s viewpoint, more generally it is about domestic violence. This occurs when one person in a relationship (or family) attempts to control or dominate— either physically or psychologically— the other (or another family member).  This can range from continual emotionally abusive name-calling/putdowns to sexual/physical assault.    

Comment: this theme has value as emotional armor.  Armed with belief that you are feared and known to be someone not to be crossed, they have less reason to fear others and more to expect to get what you want. In looking for personality factors (five of them were introduced in Part Ia) behind threatening behavior, Carver & Connor-Smith write, “People low in agreeableness use displays of power to deal with social conflict.”